April 2009
On a Personal Note
As I'm writing this newsletter, I must admit I was multi-tasking by checking e-mail and my husband, who is uncharacteristically worshiping the porcelain throne so to speak (I think it was a bad olive). After making him comfortable with a blanket and confirming that he is still breathing (he's actually snoring on the floor right now, don't worry); I quickly checked my mailbox and found a disturbing e-mail from an acquaintance questioning my integrity and threatening to share their opinion of me with others unless I can convince them otherwise. Wow! Of course I immediately felt the adrenalin rush coming over me. I was so confused, I had to read it over and over again to make sure I understood the meaning of the message. I thought of numerous ways to respond (and not many were positive). I finally decided to get back to my newsletter and then the elements of the top ten lists that I had been drafting and collecting (see lists below) hit me like a ton of bricks. I found myself having to apply some of them, for example:
- We are all doing the best we can with what we have.
I have to believe this is true. The sender is doing the best they can and so am I. That calms me already.
- Always be positive. Beware of a negative environment.
It took me a few minutes, but I am in a positive mode now. The more I practice, the faster I can turn from a negative attitude to a positive one. Negative thinking never takes me anywhere productive.
- Always consider the proper way to send information and what the information should contain.
After considering several ways to respond, I came to the realization that e-mail would not be the best way. I'm not sure I can convince them of anything, and I'm not sure I want to take the time and energy to do that anyway.
- The sky is blue. Be emotionally neutral.
This helps immensely just to say it out loud. It immediately takes the emotion out of the situation. It's such a matter of fact observation, like, hey, look....the sky is blue. It puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.
- Don't take it personally.
I don't know the whole story behind the message. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story. I'm not going to take it as a personal attack.
- Don't fill the gaps.
I could make up a whole story of what I think is going on here, but again it wouldn't be productive. I have no way of knowing what the sender's truth is based on. I only know what my truth is based on and I'll stand by it any day. I'm sure the sender feels the same way. Neither one of us has to be wrong.
- Eliminate Energy Vampires.
Although I have now spent quite a bit of time dealing with this issue here in my newsletter, I think it was spent in a much more productive way than by reacting to the message in a negative way. If I had responded in the way that my adrenaline ridden body wanted to respond at first, this could have turned into a real negative energy drain. I certainly do not need that in my life right now. I'm choosing not to go down that path. It is not my job to change their opinion or 'fix' them. It is not my place to even judge them as needing to be 'fixed'.
- Be Grateful.
I have decided to be grateful for this message and the sender. It has given me the opportunity to self-reflect and determine if I have stepped out of my integrity (no, I have not); it has given me the opportunity to practice what I preach; it has given me the opportunity to have compassion; it has given me a personal experience to share in my newsletter; and it has given me the opportunity to recognize that it's OK if you are not liked by everyone all of the time. It also gave me the opportunity to eliminate an energy vampire and hit the delete button.
For more updates check my blog.
You can also follow or connect with me at:
An evolved soul judges no one, condemns no one,
but realizes that all are on the road of experience,
seeking the same goal.
~The Science of Mind, Dec. 2008 pg. 32
April Top 10's....or 15's or 20's :)
Top 10 Rules for Communication in Business and Life
10 Ways to Simplify Your Life
Small Changes, Big Results....15 things you can try
Oprah's Top 20 Things She Knows For Sure
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Coaching Class for Today — Communication
What I want for you (and for me) is to be able to say :
- I am unconditionally constructive whenever I speak.
- I speak "charge neutral" versus up or down.
- I remain criticism-free even when I correct others.
- I have tremendous amounts of compassion for others.
- I make my points quickly and powerfully.
- I don't gossip. (A tough one!)
- I always come from a positive place that is solution oriented.
- I prepare for rather than force change.
- I am direct, yet not obnoxious, in my speaking style.
- I listen and discern exactly what another person is saying.
Adapted from Coach U's Essential Coaching Tools
Lynn Recommends
These are my most recent favorite BOOKS:
1) FISH! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results, by Stephen C. Lundin, Harry Paul and John Christensen.
2) Take Yourself to the Top, by Laura Berman Fortgang
About Lynn
Have you ever heard it said that some people make things happen, while others let things happen to them? Interesting to think about. My purpose of this newsletter, my coaching business and the other tools I have developed, is to partner with people in order to have them Design what they want to make happen in their lives. Whether it is in business, realtionships, finding a new career or any aspect of your life, you have the God-given creative and intiuitive knowledge to choose and create what you want. I can help you. This is what I love to do!
Remember to spend some quality time on you today.
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