February 2009
You are what you eat, right?
We've all heard that, read that, admitted that. Have you also considered what you are feeding your mind and your spirit? You are what you feed yourself there too. We choose our mental food, whether it is from reading, dialog, TV, movies, meditation, religious worship, inspirational media, art, or music. We choose what we are feeding our brains and our minds. We are constantly processing information. Think about the thousands of thoughts that you have each day. How many were good ones? We cannot even watch a news channel without processing what the news anchor is reporting and simultaneously processing the text scrolling across the bottom of the screen. Talk about a double negative.
It can be quite scary to read the paper or turn on the news these days. How does that affect what you are going to do today or how you are going to be? A friend fo mine has decided not to participate in the negativity and is instead focusing on being the best she can be in every moment. I love that positive position.
I recently was interviewed on a radio blogspot about tips for jobseekers. http://lynnzettler.com/show_367118.mp3 The one key I wanted them to take from the discussion is not to be paralyzed by fear in reaction to the messages being spewed everywhere by the media. In a recent discussion with Marla Ruth, a project manager looking for a new opportunity, she shared "Listening to the news today makes one feel as if the unemployed will never be hired again". Now, I'm not saying that there are a lot of changes happening out there today. But I also know there are some segments hiring! Yes, it's true! For some reason that is not the focus of our media sources.
So, in response to all of this, I've been on a mission to find new sources to feed ourselves good and healthy mental food! I've found several. Check out these sites for 'good news' and this is one place where you won't feel guilty to over indulge!
www.goodnewsnetwork.org
www.globalgoodnews.com
www.jobsandhire.blogspot.com
On a Personal Note
2009 has been more fun already. I opened the year with the intention of putting more fun into my life. So I have approached every project with that in mind. How can I inject some fun?
So far:
- I've given a presentation on customer service using the FISH philosophy & world renowned book 'FISH!'. We made a game of it and threw fish made out of pool noodles with bags of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish for prizes. Wish you were there! Here's a video from the fish market that it's based on.
- I have additional presentations coming up in Feb and March for Crucial Conversations (based on the book of the same title), Time Management Tips and Dealing with Difficult People (now that's one that I need to make fun for sure! :)
- I'm also taking a class called PRINT for Coaches. PRINT is a system of cataloguing human bevavior based on unconscious motivators to increase ones awareness of their best behaviours and decrease their shadow behaviours, similar to the DISC or Enneagram. It's a methodology for growth, not for judgment and all prints are good. All have best self and shadow sides. I love learning about human behaviours and it helps me understand myself, my loved ones, and my clients in new ways. If you are interested in having your PRINT done, let me know. I'd be happy to help.
For more updates check my blog.
You can also follow or connect with me at:
Free e-book
My latest e-book called 'Getting From Here to There' is available as a free download on my Web site.
Boundaries Coaching Class for Today
Boundaries are imaginary lines you draw around yourself. They are the lines you draw, that tell others what they may or may not do in your relationship with them. Strong boundaries keep abusive, needy, or non-nourishing people at a reasonable distance from you, so that you are not drained and can spend your time keeping you the best you can be. The co-worker who dumps on you or makes snide comments, the Debbie Downer in the office or car pool, the overbearing and meddling mother-in-law or neighbor, the gossip, the guy who always has to make himself right and make you wrong, I'm talking about the people who drain you of energy and cause you to complain and vent.
Think of yourself as a bucket. As a full bucket, your are the best you can be. You have all the energy you need, all the rest, all the peace, all the patience, understanding, presence, health etc. People who cross your boundaries put a hole in your bucket. Your bucket has now sprung a leak. It is now up to you to either let the leak continue, put a band aid over it, or plug it up completely.
Letting the leak continue: If someone crosses a boundary and you complain about it to everyone you know or who will listen to you, but say nothing to them, you are letting the leakage continue. Everytime you revisit the feelings that have come because of the boundary crossing, you cause more and more energy to be drained from you. This is not necessary and certainly not productive. Now if you need to complain once in order to officially let it go--that's fine. Perhaps it might be better to write it in your journal or in an e-mail to yourself to get the satisfaction of putting it somewhere, and then forgetting about it.
Put a band aid over it: If someone crosses a boundary and you engage by returning the favor, are abusive or mean spirited in return, you have still not completely filled the hole in your bucket. Now you have created more negative energy for yourself, while pushing them back over the line. This may not prevent them from crossing the boundary again over time.
Plug it up completely: The best way to deal with someone who has crossed a boundary is to tell them they've crossed your boundary, ask them not to do it again, and tell them the consequences if they choose to repeat the behaviour; all said with the same emotion and tone as you would say "The sky is blue". I know, it's scary. You actually have to talk to them and be completely honest.
Sound good? You probably are asking for an example. So I'll give you a very simple one. I heard this from a fellow coach in one of my classes.
Deb's 85-year old mom was a real downer. She was very negative all the time and could never find anything good to say. Deb, being a very positive person, found this very draining. She found herself not wanting to spend time with her mother at their weekly lunches, which made her sad. Never the less, she needed to make sure that she did not get pulled into the pool of negativity every time she talked to her mother.
Deb decided to set a boundary with her mother and stick to it. She told her mother that in order for her to be the best person she could be, she needed to remain a positive minded person. (She's simply telling her mother who she is. ) In order to do that, Deb explained to her mother that her negative attitude really pulls her down and she finds herself not wanting to spend time with her. Deb explained that she really WANTS to spend time with her, but the negativity is getting in the way. Deb really wants to have lunch with her every week to spend quality time, but in order to do that, she needs a positive atmosphere and not negativity. Therefore, it the negativity continued, Deb would not be able to have those weekly lunches anymore. It was costing Deb too much. (In reality, the negativity isn't helping her mother either).
The entire conversation was said with loving care and neutral tone (The sky is blue). Deb didn't make the issue about her mother. She made it about herself. She was explaining what her need was and how she needed to fill it. She wasn't necessarily making her mother 'wrong', she just didn't want to participate in her mothers chosen behavior.
Now, mom could have said too bad, I won't change. That would be fine. But then it is Deb's mother who is making the choice and not Deb. Deb has set a clear boundary that helps to keep her well. She has defined it, asked for what she needs lovingly and will now change her behavior accordingly if the boundary crossing behavior continues.
In this case, Deb's mom replied positively. Whenever she started down a negative path, Deb would remind her, and she would quickly recognize it and try again. It may take more than one reminder, but people that care about you will want to help meet your needs.
I know what some of you might be saying. "Oh no, that won't work for me! My mother would just say tough toenails--I am who I am, and then I would feel guilty if I didn't spend time with her. That would be selfish of me. I just need to put up with the suffering."
But in reality, if the worst thing that happens is your mother, or any other person, doesn't respect you enough to respect your boundaries, do you really need to let them have that much control of your life and how you live it? I'll leave you with that question to ponder.
What I want for you is for you to be able to say:
- I can say no easily and kindly, without feeling funny about it.
- Negative and cynical people have disappeared from my life.
- I am surrounded by people who are in touch with themselves.
- I can be with anyone without feeling uncomfortable or reacting to them.
- I let people evolve me instead of resisting them.
- I find myself having upgraded levels of conversation everywhere I go.
- My boundaries are extensive, yet people are close to me.
- I find myself connecting with others in new ways.
- Most of my relationships are interdevelopmental, not just interdependent.
Lynn Recommends
These are my most recent favorite BOOKS:
1) www.expresspdf.com This is a great Web site if you have a word document that you want to convert to a pdf. I used this to create my e-book. It's fast and it's free. Awesome tool.
2) A quick pick me up---watch this t-mobile commercial. I guarantee you'll at least smile, if not cry.
Upcoming Teleclasses/Events -- pass on to your friends -- a few spots left.
A teleclass is coaching in a virtual classroom environment, where coaching occurs over a number of weeks covering pre-determined subjects. The class/coaching is conducted over the phone using a conference line and can have from 3 to 10 participants.
Strengthening Your Personal Foundation—1 hour per week for 8 weeks
This class covers the initial steps in enhancing the structural basis that supports you in living an exceptional life. Much like any living thing that is planted, to be strong, healthy and the best you can be, you need elements that feed, nourish and sustain you. This class addresses many of those elements. More details.
Achieving Life Balance—1 hour per week for 4 weeks---(includes one free individual coaching session)
This class will help you to set a strategy for achieving balance in your life between work, play, family, spirit, intellectual pursuits and whatever else draws your attention in your life. More Details.
To SIGN UP for these upcoming classes go to: http://lynnzettler.ipower.com/store/
About Lynn
Have you ever heard it said that some people make things happen, while others let things happen to them? Interesting to think about. My purpose of this newsletter, my coaching business and the other tools I have developed, is to partner with people in order to have them Design what they want to make happen in their lives. Whether it is in business, realtionships, finding a new career or any aspect of your life, you have the God-given creative and intiuitive knowledge to choose and create what you want. I can help you. This is what I love to do!
Remember to spend some quality time on you today.
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